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Good grief!  Looking for a job is hard enough without ice-climbing some steep learning curve just to get a resume that'll make the phone ring. So... w e've compiled (scratch that, we've written) the most useful resume help on the internet.  

Somebody poke this guy. 

 
Resume Writing: Kisses Of Death...

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1) Missing Contact Information

In resume writing, you’d be surprised how many people leave off their phone number or ignore the opportunity to include an email address in the heading. And on that latter point, make sure your email address is stable, long term, and professional sounding. Skip the one you use with your friends, PartyGirl@loadsofun.com, and opt instead for something that won’t raise eyebrows.

2) Too Long

If your resume is over two pages, you’d better be a world-class CEO with instant name recognition. Then again, if you meet that description, you can get by with a single page, can’t you? Regardless of your real or imagined worth to a company, limit your resume writing to two pages max, one page ideally. With regards to all the valuable ‘stuff’ you’re leaving off the resume, be happy you’ll have something to talk about during the interview.

3) Over The Top Design

Ignore your impulse to write a white-text resume on black paper, or include a scratch-and-sniff perfume spot on the page. Limit your font selection to one or two. Use the traditional and popular New Times Roman if you prefer lettering with a serif, or consider Arial, Helvetica or Verdana if you want a clean, more modern san serif font. Go easy on the bold and the underlining. And limit your paper selection to white or beige with a weight of 22 or 24 lb. Black type.

3) Misspellings; Poor Grammar

Nothing signals an inattention to detail like a misspelled word on a resume. The one document on which you intent to present yourself to your ideal company, and you’ve misspelled achievemints. Well, you won’t be adding to your list of achievemints with that company.

4) A Photo

In resume writing, never, never, never include a photo–unless you’re applying for a job in Germany, or as a fashion model. U.S. companies outside Resume Writing And Photos Don't Mixof the modeling industry will trash your resume immediately to avoid any future accusations that they might have discriminated in a hiring decision.

5) Personal Information Not Relevant To The Job

You may be the Friday Night Dart Champion at Willie’s Bar, but leave it off the resume. Likewise don’t mention your marital status, number of children if any, social security number, height and weight, hobbies, and sports–unless you’re an avid golfer applying to Titleist.

6) Missing Dates, Missing Employment Information

The hiring official doesn’t like to be left guessing how you acquired your superhuman talents, or where you acquired them, or when. If he is left guessing, you’ll be left guessing why you never get a response.

7) Resume Writing That's Hard To Read

Long, dense paragraphs are tough slogging. Good resume writing makes use of bulleted points. Don’t crowd your information. Weed out extraneous details and know what employers are looking for–which leads to the next point.

8) A Focus On Job Descriptions vs Accomplishment

It’s implied that a job in outside sales involves calling on customers and following leads. Don’t waste space and readers’ patience spelling that out in minute detail. Rather, get on with the actual accomplishments from the job. Increased territory sales 20% the first year. Initiated order bundling system saving $40K annually in transportation costs. You get the idea.

9) One Too Many Weasel Words

Weasel words are adjectives or action verbs that sound impressive as you’re typing them (extraordinary communication skills, vitally participated in conference XYZ, demonstrated ability to extricate donut from bag with minimal disturbance to icing) but to the trained eye (i.e., the eye of the hiring official) they are indicative of a desperate fellow scrapping the bottom of the barrel for anything positive to say about his time spent at Acme Wingnuts.

10) Functional Resume

Many hiring officials have come to associate the functional format with a candidate seeking to hide some aspect of his work history. And for good reason–many are trying to do just that; hiding gaps in their work history, hiding too many jobs in too short of time. While it can still be an effective resume, know that choosing a functional format will send up a red flag in the eyes of many employers, something your resume will have to overcome from the get go.

David Alan Carter is a former headhunter and the founder of Resume One of Cincinnati. For more than ten years, he personally crafted thousands of resumes for satisfied clients from all occupational walks of life. David has compiled a collection of real-life resume objectives, by profession, at ResumeObjective.info where you'll also find the lowdown on a few of the more popular resume building tools, at  Review of Resume Builders.